The Last of the Namikaze
by mortalone
Summary: [AU] Naruto and Natsuko were the inseperable twins of Namikaze Minato, but after he murders the rest of the clan, will they become like the Uchiha brothers or find a different path?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is owned by Kishimoto Masashi and published by Jump Comics.

**Warning:** This fic is rated T for violence, language and innuendo.

**Spoiler alert:** This chapter contains spoilers through recent manga chapters.

**AN:** Hey all. Yeah, another story I'm adding. This one is a bit different. As you will notice, my others have a more "business" tone while this one is more relaxed, just for fun on the fly. I don't intend for it to be a real epic, but just a story you enjoy reading and I enjoy writing. This is kind of a break from that "business" feel of my other stories that's really demanding and energy-draining.

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**The Last of the Namikaze**

**Prologue**

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It was dark, real dark. Namikaze Natsuko was getting worried. A feeling of foreboding in the air told her that there was a reason why the clan compound was silent, and that reason was not good. Faintly, she thought she smelled blood on the air.

"Oba-san? Oji-san? Itoko? Aniki?"

Her calls went unanswered. She frowned worriedly, rushing faster. She had stayed out training; she had no way of knowing if something happened. Where was the clan?

Granted, the clan was small, real small. From her immediate family only her older twin brother, Namikaze Naruto, was alive. Her father died sealing the Kyuubi into her brother and her mother died from medical complications just a few weeks later. The rest of the Namikaze were all either old or wiped out during the Kyuubi's attack. She and Naruto were the future, the only future.

Her thoughts drifted to her brother, that prodigal genius jinchuuriki. He was everything she wanted to be, but she could never bring herself to hate him. No, she loved her aniki so much that she would kiss his feet if it would make him happy. Though, he never demanded anything from her, and certainly not anything as absurd as having her kiss his feet. He was the protective older brother, and whenever they were together they were inseparable.

"Aniki?"

Nothing but darkness greeted her. She rushed toward the porch of the main compound. A voice stopped her right before she opened the door. "I wouldn't."

"Aniki?!" A smile lit her face; her savior was here. Even if everyone else was in trouble, Naruto was eight years old and already a chuunin. He _toyed_ with his opponents in the last chuunin exam. "Where is everyone?"

"They're dead," he replied calmly. The smile was wiped off her face. It hurt him to see her like this, but this was the only way; fate had dealt this card. "I killed them."

She approached him, disbelieving. "Aniki? What do you mean you killed them? What's going on?"

"Natsuko-imouto, you have never realized. They would not want you to know; I did not want you to know. My purpose… what this clan desired from me was to turn me into a weapon, their weapon. Every time they would separate us, we received different training. You were taught to be a noble, a lady of class; I was taught to be a ruthless killer." He paused for effect. "Did you know that I made my first kill when I was five? They made me kill a man; they made me look at the man's face as he drew his last breath. I found out only recently that they took a civilian off the streets of Konoha, one of the very people we shinobi are supposed to protect."

Natsuko stared in disbelief. This surreal experience was more than anything she had ever imagined, and it was painful. Was this true? How could she not know? What kind of sister was she? "Aniki… is this true? Oh Aniki," she sobbed, "do you… do you hate me?"

He stepped forward and kindly caressed her cheek. She leaned into the contact, instinctively knowing that this would be the last time she would feel his warmth for some time to come. "No, I do not hate you, I could never… I did what I did because I had to. Imouto, it is up to you to revive the clan, to rebuild it in the way mother and father would have envisioned. Good bye, imouto." Naruto pulled away.

"Wait, aniki!" Natsuko grasped him hard. "Please, don't go. Please…"

Naruto's eyes softened. "I'm sorry, imouto. What I have done cannot be forgiven. But, I have not forgotten my promise to you. For now…" Naruto withdrew further and reached into his chuunin vest, withdrawing a scroll, "this scroll should detail everything. Don't go inside… you wouldn't want to see it."

Naruto tossed the scroll to Natsuko, who caught it, but she stepped towards him. "Then… take me with you! If you must go, then take me too!"

"I'm sorry imouto. Where I am going is dangerous. I have joined an organization—"

Naruto stopped as the shouts of ANBU approached. He glared in that direction before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Two words lingered on the air: "good bye."


	2. Lights in the Dark

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is owned by Kishimoto Masashi and published by Jump Comics.

**Warning:** This fic is rated T for violence, language and innuendo. _**Warning:**__ a joke about incest is made in this chapter._ No incest takes place in this story.

**AN:** Quick update, I know, but look at chapter lengths. Actually, I had written the prologue like a week or two ago; this chapter I started yesterday and finished today. As I've said, this fic isn't meant to be a true epic like my others, so the effort isn't the same and IMO it's noticeable, but it's still fun to read I think and it's definitely fun to write.

I'm experimenting with having each chapter get a single point of view. All of it is told third person, but this chapter focuses on Natsuko's thoughts and feelings. The next one is about Naruto and will talk about the massacre.

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**The Last of the Namikaze**

**Chapter 1 – Lights in the Dark**

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Perhaps it is because she never went inside that she did not turn out like _he_ did. Uchiha Sasuke, that is.

That same day Naruto wiped the Namikaze clan off the map Itachi wiped the even more powerful, even more prestigious Uchiha clan off the map. That same day, they both joined an organization called Akatsuki, that grim day.

She of course only knew this because of that scroll. Naruto told her just about everything. He detailed the dark side of the Namikaze line, he detailed their plans and why they needed a weapon. He detailed his training and how they had planned to brainwash him, even if it meant killing off Natsuko to gain their perfect tool. And he gave her tips, training advice, instructions on how to get access to the forbidden techniques in the scrolls of the Namikaze and sealing methods, at which he suspected she would be a natural, just like him.

And most importantly, sealed inside the scroll was a locket that she always wore. On one side was a photograph of their parents; on the other a photograph of them. And in that locket they could be together forever, always smiling.

The day of the funeral was tragic. Many came to pay their respects. Natsuko wept openly, touching the hearts of those present, but she did not weep for the clan; she wept for her brother.

Of this, only one other knew: the Sandaime Hokage. She told him hoping to get Naruto pardoned, but for political reasons, her request had to be denied. The Namikaze were a small but influential and well-liked clan. To publicly disgrace them after they all died would at best ostracize Naruto and Natsuko and at worst cause Konoha to lose many clients and even allegiances. Moreover, Naruto took the law into his own hands, a forbidden action for a Konoha shinobi.

So to keep face, Sandaime decided to take the secret with him to his grave. He never even consulted his advisors; if word spread of the truth, then yet more damage would be done.

And so life moved on.

But that is not to say that Natsuko was happy. The villagers pitied her – as if she wanted their pity – and the council tried to woo her and make her a slave to their will through kind words and gentle nudging. She was not ignorant; she knew.

She also knew of their plans to mate her with the last Uchiha. Their vision was to unite the last heirs of those clans to create a new Uchiha clan, stronger and more respectable. Word would spread of this great clan forged in the ashes of the old and Konoha would profit. But there was a problem: she did not want that. Sure, Uchiha Sasuke was handsome, dark and mysterious, but he was all gloom and doom, always brooding in a corner, plotting his revenge.

And the Hyuuga competed with the council, trying to force Hyuuga Neji onto her. Fate? She did not believe in fate. Her clan was not fated to die. Her brother was not fated to betray. If betrayal were his fate, she would be dead. He _chose_ to kill them; he _chose_ to spare her.

Hyuuga asshole.

She threw herself into training, but for reasons other than that spoilt Uchiha brat. And unlike him, she had friends…

…But she did not much like them. The girls secretly hated her for her beauty and for the favoritism she was shown. They did not know the full extent of the council's wishes, but they were not oblivious to the fact that Natsuko was _assigned_ a seat next to Sasuke in every class. And they became bitter with rage when Sasuke started to mature and began trying to touch Natsuko like she was his property. _'The nerve of that girl,'_ they thought; _'the nerve of that boy,'_ she thought.

And the boys, ugh she could almost hate them. Every damn one of them just wanted to sleep with her, most notably one Inuzuka Kiba. Every day he would approach her and wrap his arms around her and she would be forced to take action. One day he even grabbed her butt; that was the only day she ever appreciated Sasuke's "friendship," since it was the raven haired boy who sent the dog-lover to the hospital. Of course, Kiba tried again other times, but she became more aggressive and kicked him in the crotch, bringing an end to his more "aggressive" advances. Yet the boy still did not fully catch the hint.

She walked home. She was tired, worn down from her own training. Graduation was not enough. The test measured nothing as far as she was concerned. Only a true idiot could fail to produce three basic clones. She had snorted as the parents had doted over the other children. What for? Because they passed a test that proved they were not retarded?

She scowled at her own dark thoughts, only now realizing that for the past five hours she had been thinking like such a bitch. And why? Because she had no parents to dote over her?

Or was it because her brother was not there to dote over her?

It took her until she reached her own front door to realize that the lights were on… she would never leave the lights on.

She was now alert, her mind clearing like hot air running over foggy glass. Her right hand reached into her kunai pouch and found her sharpest tool. She stealthily made her way into the house. Whoever it was either had little ability as a shinobi or did not care about being found. She idly wondered if it was Konohamaru again, trying to "play ninja" with her.

A ninja playing ninja; now there was a thought.

She heard what sounded like books and papers being tossed around. It was right in the library on her left. She crept to the door and peered around the corner. She was greeted by a sight she would never forget.

Papers about sealing were strewn everywhere. Some of them were from her dad's journals, papers her brother had taken with him when he left for Akatsuki. In the middle of all of this was a familiar shock of spiky blond hair, a boy her age adorned in a black cloak with red clouds.

"A-aniki?"

"Yo," was all he returned for a greeting.

Her shock turned to worry, confusion and anger. "BAKA! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING BACK HERE? DO YOU WANT TO GET CAUGHT? DO YOU WANT TO GET KILLED?!"

He tilted his head, amused. "Really now, if you keep going on like that then I _will_ be caught."

Her open mouth snapped shut, a blush spreading across her face. "Sorry," she whispered, momentarily forgetting her anger. How could she stay angry at him?

Oh yeah, maybe because he killed their family and then left the village, leaving her alone?

"You…" she stammered out, "you've got a lot of guts coming back here after what you pulled!"

He sighed, reaching into his cloak. He pulled out a pair of scrolls. "These are for you, father's prized techniques the **Rasengan** and the **Hiraishin**. I've already mastered them. Keep them somewhere secret, somewhere safe. I have no doubt that the village council has already searched high and low for them and if they ever find them, they won't hesitate to steal the techniques for themselves."

Naruto tossed the scrolls to his sister who caught them dumbly, lost for words. He had taken the two most prized techniques of the family. He had mastered them already by the age of twelve. He had warned her that the council would invade the privacy of her own home, a consideration she did not doubt but had failed to acknowledge in the past.

She did not say anything as he walked past. She did not say anything as he grabbed the door, twisted the handle and walked out. The door shut. It was then that she remembered herself. "ANIKI!"

The door opened and he walked back in casually. "Yes?"

"I demand to know why you're here," she threatened. It was not a haughty or arrogant demand; it was the demand of someone wanting answers in light of a betrayal.

He shrugged casually. "Can't a brother just visit his sister from time to time?"

"Baka," she yelled. "You were supposed to stay with me and help me resurrect the clan!"

Naruto quirked an eyebrow in amusement. "Natsuko, you have grown into a very beautiful woman, but you are my sister and it would be wrong if—"

_**BAM!**_

"BAKA, BAKA, BAKA," she shrieked. "EWWWW, just plain ewwww. Don't ever joke about stuff like that again!"

Naruto picked himself up off the floor and rubbed his now throbbing forehead. "Do you realize that you just got a free shot off on an S-class criminal? Girls are scary," he whined.

At the word "criminal," Natsuko stiffened. She ignored his comment about the scariness of her gender for the time being, instead focusing on the real matter at hand. Her face darkened as she asked, "Aniki, why are you here?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I came to congratulate you for graduating. This is a big step. I figured it was only right for an older brother to dote on the accomplishments of his younger sister."

Her dark look evaporated; for him to come this far just to congratulate her when he himself graduated at the age of six warmed her heart. Her frown turned upside down and she spun around before flashing a foxy grin with her fingers in a "V." "Tomorrow I get assigned to my gennin team!"

Naruto smiled, "Any idea who? Anyone you'd like?"

She hummed and struck a thinking pose, shifting her weight to her back foot and cupping on hand on her chin, the other hand supporting the elbow of the first. "Erm, I didn't really think about that. To be honest, I don't really want anyone." Naruto's eyebrows shot up. "I mean, they all suck up to me or treat me in ways I don't want to be treated. Hinata might be okay if she weren't so shy and weird. I'd rather have a team of all girls, but I guess Shino and Shikamaru aren't too bad – Shino never says anything and Shikamaru thinks I'm 'troublesome,' though I occasionally catch him trying to steal glances of me. Damn closet pervert."

Naruto sighed and rubbed his head. "No boys for you? How are you going to rebuild the clan?"

She clenched her fist threateningly. "Hey you bastard, I don't see you making an effort! You're a Namikaze too!"

He smirked. "Actually, I go by mother's name now. It's Uzumaki Naruto to the world."

"Teme," she grabbed the collar of his cloak. "You're my twin brother, you don't get to choose!" Suddenly she smiled dangerously. "Or are you gay or something and want to put the burden off on me so that you can sneak off with some male lover?"

He looked about ready to puke. "WHAT?! NO! As a matter of fact there is a girl—" He shut up, instantly realizing he had said too much.

His sister squealed. "A girl you say?! What's she's like? You _have_ to tell me!" She grabbed his hand and all but dragged him to a sofa in preparation for "gossip time."

Naruto stared at her blankly.

"So, what's she like? Who is she? Is she a part of this organization of yours?"

Naruto stared at her blankly.

"Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, you _haaaave_ to tell me," Natsuko pouted, giving her best "puppy dog" look to Naruto.

Naruto sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you. She has lovely purple hair and this hourglass figure. Those hips… that ass… those boobs… oh man! She's a looker, I'll tell you that much."

Natsuko blinked. "She has big boobs? How old is she?" Natusko suddenly felt insignificant. Sure, she was developing well – too well, given the way men, some of whom were far older than she would like, looked at her – but she was very conscious of her looks as most girls are.

"Oh," Naruto replied, blushing a bit, "she's eighteen."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Natsuko's shriek could probably be heard by everyone in the village.

Naruto winced. "Hey, it's not like we sleep together or anything. Just, kind of, flirt really. Well, technically I'm her boss but…"

"Is she really into you?" Natsuko thought this was odd. "I mean maybe she's just sucking up to you because you're her boss or something."

Naruto chuckled. "No, no, I mean, I'm her boss, kind of, but not really. It's hard to explain and I'm not supposed to talk about it. Organization secrets you know." He winked at her. "Anyway, she found me training one day and was impressed and we kind of hit it off, but we aren't really dating. She said she's 'waiting for [me to get older.'"

Natsuko sighed in relief, thinking for a moment that her brother was with a pedophile. That would not sit well with her. "So… you still haven't told me who she is…"

Naruto smiled. "Oh yeah, I haven't. Well, she's a missing-nin from Ame, one of the rebels."

Natsuko cocked her head, "Rebels?"

He looked at her funny. "You didn't know? Doesn't Konoha have an intelligence network? Ame has been in a state of civil war for years. Kaeda-chan is one of the rebels against that selfish bastard Hanzou."

Natsuko absorbed this new information. If she were older and had contacts of her own, she would surely hold it over the heads of the council, a political stepping stone to be used against them. But as things were, they would seek to discover how she knew this and questions would be asked that she'd rather not talk about. But, she would rather gossip anyway. "What's she like?"

Naruto sighed dreamily. "She exudes sexy. It's hard to say how, but even when doing the stupidest things. She could be picking leeches out of her hair and somehow it would be sexy. And she's smart too, and pretty strong. She has a mature side and a childish side; I guess we all do, but hers are more pronounced. She loves to laugh and play but knows how to become a true shinobi in times of need. I guess she's kind of like me… especially the sexy part."

Natsuko playfully smacked Naruto upside the head. "Baka, girls think you're an idiot."

He grinned. "No, _you_ think I'm an idiot. You're just one girl. I only act quite like this around you anyway." Naruto's face suddenly turned hard. "That's why… that's why the clan was thinking of killing you."

Wordlessly, Naruto stood up and left her on the couch to mull over these new thoughts. Again he left the room, this time heading in the opposite direction of the door. She realized this. "Where are you going?"

"To get some sleep," he called back. "I'll stay the night to find out what team you're on; I'll leave in the morning. Good night."

"Good night," she whispered. She stayed seated for ten minutes before heading off to the kitchen.

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Natsuko stood over her brother's bed, a kunai in hand. It glistened in the soft light of the moon that filtered in through the window. Tears stained her cheeks, her hair was disheveled and her breath reeked of alcohol.

Naruto's eyes opened and he looked at her form. No word could accurately describe her current alcohol induced state. Every emotion blared through her all at once, leaving her broken and uncontrolled.

"So you're going to kill me?"

The kunai descended, ripping into the pillow inches from his head. "Why? Why did you abandon me? Why did you have to leave me alone?"

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**AN: Lots of questions answered, more questions raised. As far as Naruto's behavior goes, his clan failed to turn him into a proper weapon, but he doesn't kid around with other people unless he is really close to them. Feel free to ask other questions; I'll tell you if I can answer.**


	3. Past of Sin

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is owned by Kishimoto Masashi and published by Jump Comics.

**Warning:** This fic is rated T for violence, language and innuendo.

**AN: I'm not very flattering to many (if any) of the rookies in this chapter, especially those who become Natsuko's teammates. Remember that this is being told from ****Naruto's**** perspective.**

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**The Last of the Namikaze**

**Chapter 2 – Past of Sin**

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It hurt. It hurt dearly to see it, even though a part of him told himself that he deserved it.

He felt her enter the room. He felt her approach the bed. He felt her lift the kunai. It was only then that he even acknowledged her, not because he intended to ignore her, but because he felt she needed to do her own thing; "So you're going to kill me?"

The kunai descended, ripping into the pillow mere inches from his head. "Why? Why did you abandon me? Why did you have to leave me alone? …Why did I have to suffer?" At first she had yelled it at him, but by the end she was only whispering as she choked on sobs.

She was drunk, that much was clear. A lot of old sake was left over in the Namikaze compound. The clan elders drank often simple because they could, not to mention that Uzumaki Kushina – the mother of the last two Namikaze – had kept a huge stash stored under the floorboards of the bedroom she shared with Minato.

But beyond her drunkenness was something more – pain beyond imagination. She hurt more than he had realized, and that only served to pain him more. He could not understand; was she not treated as a hero? How was it that she who would be forever honored as the last _loyal_ Namikaze felt more pain than even him?

XXX Flashbacks XXX

Naruto stood in front of a man who he had never seen before. The man's mouth was taped shut and his ears were plugged, but his eyes were wide and open.

"Kill this man, Naruto." The speaker was none other than Naruto's cousin. Though she was a cousin, she was actually more than twenty years older than Naruto. Minato's eldest brother was some fifteen years older than him and had a child of his own at a young age.

"What has he done?" Naruto's voice was strained just to whisper.

"Kill him. He's a criminal. He is your enemy." This time it was Naruto's uncle, the younger of Minato's two older brothers; the eldest brother died years ago.

"What has he done?" Naruto's voice sounded like a soft whine. The thought of taking another life was too much for his five year old mind to bear.

"Kill him. Do it." This time it was Naruto's grand uncle, his grandfather's younger brother. "What does it matter what crime he committed? He is a criminal and you are ordered to kill him. Are you a shinobi or are you not?"

The bound man, the "criminal," could not hear a word being said, but based on the body language he could guess. By now his eyes were wide and he was frantically shaking his head as if denying any accusations against him.

"WHAT HAS HE DONE?"

"IT DOES NOT MATTER SOLDIER!"

_SLASH! _

The man was cut down by the kunai in Naruto's own hand. His eyes were wide, transfixed on the blade. His hand went limp and the bloody instrument dropped to the floor. He was on the verge of tears; he had taken a life. What did this make him? A murderer? The man was bound, the man could not escape. What had this man done to deserve death? Who was Namikaze Naruto to take this man's life into his own hands?

…Who was Namikaze Naruto to play god?

A pat on the back he received. Smiles he was shone. He did not want them; he did not deserve them. _'None of this… What did this man do? I… I killed him…'_

The five year old clenched his small yet shockingly powerful fists. "What did this man do?"

The answer that came next would haunt Naruto for years to come: "Who knows?"

XXX Flash XXX

"Aniki?" A stick poked into Naruto's leg. "Aniki?" It prodded harder. "Aniki, what's wrong?"

Naruto finally looked up. His sister had climbed onto the bench next to him – one of Naruto's favorite spots, tucked away in a quiet part of the garden. He had not even noticed her. He had been too busy staring at his hands. Mentally, he cursed himself for allowing a potential hostile to sneak up on him. This was not how he was taught.

"Aniki, wanna play?"

Blue eyes met blue. His sister's face was like his, only more feminine. She was similar to him in height. She was even similar to him in build, only, again, more feminine. She was bound to grow into a looker some day, especially if she continued to grow out that long and lush ponytail of vibrant golden yellow hair.

Naruto answered dumbly, "Huh?"

She smiled sweetly at him. "Baka, I asked if you wanna play. What's wrong with you today aniki? Are you sick?" Her hand darted out and she put her palm up against his forehead. He felt fine, so she merely shrugged.

"Gomen, I… I don't want to play today," he whispered out, averting her gaze and redirecting his eyes to his hands.

"Hmph," she went, "and here I just came all the way out here to play with you. Give me a piggyback ride!"

He looked at her and blinked. "A what?"

She sighed. He knew what piggyback rides were, he simply could not concentrate when thoughts of that man he killed were on his mind. Her face lit up suddenly as an idea struck her. She pushed him. "Last one to the ice cream stand buys for the other!"

He watched her runoff for a moment before a smile began to stretch across his face. He chased after her.

In the end he let her win, if only so that she would not have to pay for his three scoops of chocolate… that he ate after a banana split… that he ate after three scoops of strawberry… that he after three scoops of cookies and cream…

Idly he wondered if the fox would let his teeth rot. Somehow, considering how vain the fox was about its jaws, he doubted that would happen.

XXX Flash XXX

Naruto's cousin brushed her hands over Naruto's shirt, straightening it out. As soon as she was done, she moved to Natsuko, brushing her shirt straight. Then she went to the hair, untying Natsuko's ponytail and fixing her hair to run straight down. As she went to Naruto, she growled, unable to tame the mop of hair on his head. Casting a glare his way, as if it were his fault, she fixed the positions of the children so that they were on either side of her, exactly four strides in from the main entranceway to the Namikaze estate.

The voice of Naruto's grand uncle could be heard approaching. "And this is our clan's estate. I know you've been here before, but this is the first time since… that incident. We don't like to talk about it much around here since as you know Minato-kun was the star of our clan, your Excellency."

"Ah yes, I remember him. Excellent shinobi, became the Yondaime Hokage, right? Konoha's Golden Flash…"

The voice of the Fire Daimyo carried to the two children of the deceased Yondaime. Only Naruto had the gall to correct the man, even if he could not hear. "It's _Yellow_ Flash…"

Naruto's cousin gripped his back tightly, silently telling Naruto to shut up. He winced as a wound from his training regiment reopened – a kunai slice across the back. He had not been fast enough to avoid all the kunai thrown at him as he was supposed to, but since the Daimyo was coming, the clan elders refrained from "roughing him up" any.

"He had a kid, right?"

"Two kids," the grand uncle corrected this time, "probably playing in the gardens somewhere like usual." The gate opened, revealing the cousin and the young twins. "Well, would you look at that, it looks like they came to just to greet you. You must understand your Excellency, it's not everyday they meet a man greater than their father was."

The Daimyo took the compliment in stride, almost as if he were expecting it. "Minato-kun was indeed a great." Naruto's eyes flashed dangerously at the use of the suffix, though none noticed despite looking right at him. "And this boy most certainly is his son. The hair and the eyes, he looks just like his father."

"Indeed," Naruto's grand uncle announced proudly, "he might become just as strong too." Quickly, however, Naruto's grand uncle redirected the conversation, "And this little princess is Minato's daughter, the sunshine of our clan. We have high hopes for her too. Isn't she adorable?"

Natsuko blushed at the attention and the Daimyo's wife squealed with positive glee. "Oh she sure is! Look at that pretty little face and that cute little dress…"

Naruto did not bother paying attention to the rest as the Daimyo and his wife ogled Natsuko like a pretty doll all dressed up. Though outwardly he appeared unperturbed, internally, he seethed, _'How dare they treat my sister like that?'_ Killing intent threatened to spill forth. Only the cat Tora noticed, and it darted off as if a Great Dane were on its tail.

"Oh Tora! Come back to mommy," the Daimyo's wife beckoned, only to be ignored.

"Naruto," called the clan leader, "please retrieve the cat." Though stated politely, Naruto noted the look in the man's eyes, _'Do it or else.'_

Tools; that was all the Namikaze twins were.

XXX Flash XXX

"He's resisted the behavioral patterning well. Too well," Naruto's uncle stated.

Naruto froze in his spot. He had been practicing chakra control by doing push-ups on the water of the pond in the Namikaze gardens. When the sun's heat became overbearing, he moved to a place underneath a deck that extended over a part of the pond. Apparently, his presence was entirely unnoticed.

"Indeed." This time the voice was Naruto's grand uncle. "This will call for more extreme measures to be taken. It is unfortunate, but have you noticed why he is able to resist our mental conditioning?" Upon not getting an answer, the grand uncle elaborated: "The sister, she is why. We were fools not to separate them, but at the time I had presumed that his tie to her would serve to maintain his loyalty to the clan."

After a brief pause, Naruto's uncle asked, "So what are we going to do? I think I'm following you – we need to isolate them, but how?"

Naruto's grand uncle chuckled mirthlessly. "No, you aren't following me. What happens if we isolate them? Then we are the villains." Despite not seeing them, Naruto knew they were looking eye to eye. "No, we need to do something more. Either we need to frame a kidnapping or we need to kill her off."

"Y-you can't be serious! Kill her?!"

"Yes, don't you see? This is for the betterment of the clan! Her sacrifice will not be in vain; we will frame Iwa for this and Naruto will hate them and he will give himself to us so that we can give him the power he needs to destroy them! Her death will give him purpose!" The grand uncle's rant held an edge of insanity to it.

"But what about the future of this clan? How can it be rebuilt when the girl is dead and the boy runs off seeking vengeance?"

"It doesn't have to be."

"WHAT?!" The uncle yelled out, "What are you saying? That we're just going to let the clan die out? Everyone else is either too old or sterile!"

"Don't you get it? The future of this clan is our future, not theirs. That was the whole purpose of turning Naruto into our weapon. And if we want this clan to live on afterwards, we'll merely find some girls for the boy to impregnate. Who cares who? The boy is a monster and the girl worships him like a god. They are not fit to be the future of this clan!"

"But there's gotta be a better way! There's got to! What about the kidnapping option?"

"What about it?"

"Well, can't we do that one?"

Naruto could hear the sound of his grand uncle rubbing his chin. "We'd need to carefully orchestrate the details so that it looks like Iwa took her. We'll also need to keep them isolated for a long enough time to fully turn him into our tool. It will be difficult."

"Does everyone else know?"

"Mostly. We will work out the details during the meeting right before dinner. Come, let us prepare."

Naruto stayed completely silent as he heard two pairs of feet shuffle off. That night Naruto slept on the floor of Natsuko's room. The following night he massacred the clan. This incident is the only one that Naruto never told his sister, fearing that she would not be able to bear it.

XXX End Flashbacks XXX

Naruto blurred out of existence, disappearing from Natsuko's view. His arms wrapped around her from behind. "Imouto-chan… I don't know what it is that haunts you, but you too… you've been hurting so much. I'm sorry."

"Aniki," her pained voice rang out. "Oh Aniki…" she said as her kunai dropped to the floor. "I should hate you. I should hate you for everything, for killing the clan, for leaving me here alone and leaving by yourself. But I wasn't strong enough."

"Shhh," he cooed back, "it's alright. Tell me who hurt you. Tell me everything." His voice was soothing to her, but his eyes she could not see were now a terrifying shade of red. His pupils had become slits.

XXXXX

Naruto dangled his feet aimlessly from his perch in a tree overlooking the academy. It amazed him how easy it was to sneak around critical parts of Konoha, then again, it may have had less to do with the laxness of security and more to do with him being used to trying to sneak around Pein's tower at the headquarters for the Ame resistance front. The man always seemed to know where the blond jinchuuriki was. He was harder to sneak around than that freak Zetsu.

Naruto's hand reached inside his pocket and withdrew a piece of paper. It looked like a grocery list but was in reality much closer to being a hit list. It was a list of names of people who had hurt Natsuko. He crumpled it angrily.

Oh how he would love to torture and maim them. Regrettably, he left the list out on the kitchen table where he had written it when eating a late night snack. When Natsuko woke up in a drunken stupor and poured a bowl of cereal for breakfast she spotted the list and proceeded to pour out the entire contents of the cereal box onto the table. Needless to say, she sobered up real fast.

After much begging and pleading on her part, he relented and agreed not to kill, torture, or maim any of the individuals as it would only spell more trouble for her. Nonetheless, she did relent when he insisted on the "right" to prank them horribly. He smiled at that thought; payback would be a bitch.

He glared at one of his prime targets… Inuzuka Kiba. Yes, this would be fun.

He put the sheet back into his cloak, at least for the time being. He watched the various students intently. Some blended into the background, others he picked up opinions on very quickly.

Uchiha Sasuke was the first he looked at. His eyes narrowed dangerously as Sasuke tried to snake an arm around Natsuko. He smiled as she batted it away. Sasuke withdrew… for now.

The boy was strong for his age. He was listed as the number one rookie, though Naruto was confident that Natsuko was superior, albeit not by much. The boy was slightly taller and Naruto was sure the boy was also physically stronger. He had no way of knowing how their taijutsu forms stacked up, but with the physical advantage and a possibility of possessing the Sharingan, he was one to look out for. Naruto was confident that Natsuko would have the boy beat in genjutsu and neither seemed the genjutsu type (given Sasuke's emotional baggage, Naruto doubted the boy would have the patience for such a delicate art, not that Naruto could blame the boy – he was no fan of genjutsu either). In terms of chakra levels the two seemed comparable and as a girl, Natsuko would have the edge in control. Testosterone yields higher stores but diminishes control, which was something Pein had taught the young jinchuuriki. Pein warned Naruto that Orochimaru –the greater traitor to Akatsuki – chose a female host for this reason.

Two shrieking girls caught Naruto's attention. Based on the way they fawned over the Uchiha, Naruto could only guess they were Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura. Had he never met any Haruno before, but having met Inoichi once, he guessed that the blond girl was the Yamanaka. Naruto's respect for that clan was already diminishing. These two girls were supposedly among the more adept of the classroom, but Naruto knew that only six to twelve students would be chosen as gennin anyway. The record number of gennin from any class ever had been fifteen, and that year even Jiraiya was made a jounin sensei, not that the pervert minded teaching the boy who would become the world's greatest shinobi: Namikaze Minato, Naruto's father.

Naruto frowned at these two girls. They seemed polite and friendly to Natsuko, but the moment Natsuko's back was turned, the two girls would settle for glaring at her. Naruto seethed, _'What lousy friends. This is what the "Will of Fire" has to offer?'_ He decided that he did not like these two and he hoped that neither would be on the same team as his sister.

Cross three names off the list. Sasuke would be trouble as well. Beyond the touching, Sasuke was Itachi's brother. Not only did Naruto distinctly have a lack of trust concerning the renegade Uchiha, but he knew that Itachi would return for Sasuke sooner or later and most likely the man would kill Natsuko if she got in his way. Naruto had already warned Itachi: do that and die. Somehow, he doubted the Uchiha would heed that warning. Despite the fact that with Kyuubi's power behind him Naruto perhaps already grew past Itachi, the Uchiha would not hesitate to use Naruto as a measuring stick. And there were two major threats to be had there: for one, the Uchiha had some sort of bond with the fox that the furry-fiend refused to elaborate on, and beyond that even, the fight would most likely be stopped by Pein, meaning Itachi would get the chance to copy Naruto's style and techniques for free. Thankfully the **Hiraishin** and **Rasengan **could not be copied – both required extensive training that the Sharingan could not forcefully imitate – but many of Naruto's other techniques could be, some of which were taught to the boy directly by Pein and Konan. Those techniques were precious to him, especially Konan's origami techniques, and Naruto was not sure how many of them could be readily copied.

Cross four names off the list. If Inuzuka Kiba was made Naruto's teammate, he would have to massacre a second clan from Konoha. No way, no how; he would not tolerate that team arrangement.

Naruto's eyes passed over towards Hyuuga Hinata. As an heir to such a prestigious clan, Naruto would expect her to be quite formidable. Sadly, she appeared quite lacking. _'With the enemies the Hyuuga have made over the years, a Hyuuga heiress cannot afford to be weak. Next.'_ Just that easily, he dismissed her. He had nothing against the girl, but he wanted the guaranteed safety of his sister. He would have no such assurance if his sister was on the same team as a weak girl who unknowingly possessed enemies that even Naruto would hesitate to engage, particularly in Kumo and Kiri. There were a few notable missing-nin that were powerful enemies of the Hyuuga as well, above all others was none other than the treacherous snake Orochimaru.

He scanned the classroom thoroughly. Only two people caught his interest as potential teammates for his sister: Nara Shikamaru and Aburame Shino. From their "chat" last night, Naruto knew that Natsuko was ambivalent to them and perhaps even liked Shikamaru somewhat judging by how she not once commented on his laziness, which was certainly his most obvious characteristic. Shikamaru though, despite being lazy, clearly cared for friends as evidenced by that fatso Chouji he would stand up for and was also incredibly intelligent if what Natsuko said about the boy's shougi skills had even a ring of truth to them. And Shino was clearly a boy who would not show off and yet placed just under Sasuke and Natsuko in the class rankings. Exactly how strong was he?

Naruto mulled it over, his "dream team." Shikamaru as the strategist with Natsuko as the muscle and Shino supporting her – it was the best team he could hope for her, though in all honesty, he'd rather have someone with Sasuke's skills in there, just Sasuke's attitude and familial problems simply would not do.

Though not the ideal combat team that Naruto wanted, his "dream team" was the best for his sister.

Finally it seemed like the sensei, one Umino Iruka, would get around to calling out the squads. Naruto waited calmly for his sister's name. Finally it was called.

"…Team Seven, Namikaze Natsuko…"

Naruto rose to attention.

"…Uchiha Sasuke…"

Naruto's eyes widened. _'They really are trying to force her to marry him. I really should kill them all or maybe even kidnap her. This could be dangerous.'_

"…and Haruno Sakura…"

"What? No," Naruto whispered. "Damn, just damn it all."

"Did you hear something Mizuki-san?" Naruto froze. Was he detected? Would he have to make a break for it? How could he be so stupid as to open his mouth in the middle of Konoha like this?

"No, I'm sure it's nothing," the man named Mizuki said.

Naruto's eyes locked onto their location. He grimaced. _'Is he fingering the school nurse? And this man taught my sister? I'll have to prank him too.'_

XXXXX

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours. And finally after over four and a half hours of waiting, Naruto was ready to lose his cool and bust into the Hokage's office himself. _'Who the hell is this person teaching my sister? How dare he show up this late? Or what if it's a she? Maybe I'll prank this person too. I've always wanted to shrink a girl's clothes in hot water…'_

Finally Naruto heard faint humming. He looked down from his perch only to spot a familiar masked face with hair flopped over lazily. _'Hatake Kakashi-nii-san! Why didn't I think of that? To think that father's protégé would be teaching Natsuko!'_ Suddenly an irritating thought entered Naruto's mind, _'Or what if the council put him in charge of this team to train the Uchiha? Damn it!'_

Naruto repressed the sigh that threatened to escape his lips, being careful not to alert the Sharingan wielder of his presence. He saw Kakashi enter the classroom with Natsuko and then lazily **Shunshin** up to the roof. Natsuko soon disappeared in a poof of smoke as well, leaving a disgruntled Uchiha and a very jealous – that once again Natsuko stole the spotlight – Haruno in her wake.

Naruto returned to his patient state, his eyes trailing the Uchiha as best they could given that the Uchiha was in an inner hallway of the academy, but Naruto could see him pass by many of the open windows.

He attempted to return to a state of calm. He did not trust the Uchiha, not for one minute – nor did he trust the Haruno – but he did trust Kakashi. The man would not hate Natsuko even if he knew the truth. Nevertheless, Naruto could not risk telling him – it would have to be the Hokage to do so, otherwise Kakashi would be forced into a position of conflicting interests.

Naruto concentrated on the group as the Uchiha arrived, quickly followed by the ever-adoring Haruno.

"Okay," the lazy man spoke to his students, "let's begin with some introductions."

The Haruno shot a furtive glance at the Uchiha before politely asking, "What do you want to know sensei?"

Despite being somewhat naïve to the ways of fan-girls because of his sheltered life first in his clan and then in Akatsuki, Naruto knew immediately that the girls tone was a show. _'She's probably thinking something along the lines of "you're a suspicious looking creep, I'll only tolerate this little charade if it can get me closer to Sasuke-kun." Isn't that right, bitch?'_

Kakashi adopted a thinking pose before casually throwing out, "How about your likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, that kind of stuff?"

Sakura politely asked again, "My apologies sensei, but could you introduce yourself first? We don't really know you."

Natsuko smirked, already knowing plenty about the masked jounin. Yet again, Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Oh, me?" Kakashi's casual tone carried a hint of mirth as he toyed with the two students he did not know. "My name is Hatake Kakashi, I don't feel like talking about my likes or dislikes, I have a lot of hobbies, and my dreams…?"

"To have an autographed copy of every book in the _Icha Icha_ series stored in mint condition," Natsuko casually filled in. Sasuke's eyes narrowed further while Kakashi's lone visible eye crinkled to show he was smiling.

"Eh, what kinds of books are those, Natusko?" Sakura feigned her ignorance. Natsuko blushed but said nothing.

Naruto, however, was busy staring at Natsuko. _'Yeah, how do you know?'_

Kakashi broke this sudden tension. "Well, since you're so eager to find out about these books, why don't you go first?"

Sakura blushed. "Ano, my name is Haruno Sakura, my likes are…" she glanced at Sasuke, blushing harder, "my hobbies…" she blushed harder still, "my dreams for the future…" this time she outright squealed, "and my dislikes…" she actually released some killing intent, but managed to not make it obvious who the killing intent was directed towards.

'_Pfft,'_ Naruto thought, _'you are so obvious and I will so tell my sister what a bitch you are behind her back.'_

Kakashi stared blankly at the girl for a minute before redirecting his attention. "Next." Naruto turned his focus to the Uchiha.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are tons of things I dislike and not many things I like. And I don't want to use the word dream; it's more like an ambition… to resurrect my clan…" he glanced over at Natsuko, "and to kill a certain man."

'_Figures,'_ Naruto thought, _'but he's a long, long way from ever catching up to Itachi.'_

"And finally, you," Kakashi said, pointing at Natsuko.

The girl smiled brightly. "As you know already Kakashi-nii-san, my name is Namikaze Natsuko. I have many likes, especially bright, happy things, ramen, and the gardens at the Namikaze estate, I don't have many dislikes, I train a lot, and my dream…" she suddenly turned serious, "is to find my brother."

'_To find me? What kind of a dream is that?'_

Sasuke's face swung around to meet hers. "Aren't you going to kill him? After what he did?! It's your obligation!"

Natusko met Sasuke's gaze unflinchingly, forcing out all her killing intent at once, causing the boy to shiver. "My brother had reasons for doing what he did. I want to find him and I want to know why!"

"He killed your clan! What excuse is there? It's your duty to avenge them!"

Natsuko screamed out, "My brother is not Itachi!" Sasuke froze. "This isn't about your clan or the Uchiha! Your brother may have tortured you, but mine didn't let me in to see the bodies! Why? That's all I want to know!"

From his perch, Naruto observed this confrontation with interest. _'You know why, Natsuko-chan. What a wonderful acting job – even Kakashi is fooled!'_ Naruto failed to pick up on Natsuko's deeper meaning as he disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Kakashi's head swiveled around, but seeing nothing, he shrugged it off, most likely thinking that it was one of the ANBU patrols or a lackey of the council. Had he known that he had been observed from the beginning, he might have questioned that assessment.

XXXXX

**AN:** Note the difference between when I use the name Sasuke and when I use the name Uchiha. Those of you who didn't get it… read it over again and think about that choice of wording.

By now some of you may be bored with the way I consistently show my disappointment in PART ONE Sakura (that distinction _**IS**_ important) in all of my fics. Sakura fans are probably thinking, "Can you just get back to writing DG already?"

I wanted someone who would bring angst and drama. Sasuke HAD to be Natsuko's teammate for plot purposes. The other five candidates were Sakura, Ino, Kiba, Shino and Shikamaru. Shino wouldn't bring any angst – he would mainly seek to deter it (and Sasuke's advances). There wasn't enough interesting character development there. Ino and Sakura would fill virtually the same role, so if I was going to put Ino on the team, it may as well have been Sakura. Kiba would have pissed you guys off… A LOT. He would have been really, really touchy-feely, always trying to grope Natsuko at every opportunity. No, he would not have succeeded in getting her prize – not ever – but it still would have pissed you guys off. That left Sakura and Shikamaru. Either way there would have been a love triangle, so ultimately I liked these two options evenly, but the people I talked to preferred leaving it as Sakura for a number of reasons.

Sorry Sakura fans, she will be a bitch this story. **But, she will NOT be alone.** I'm not bashing JUST her. Ino as well as other girls will be dragged into this and I might make OC characters that will have bitchier roles than Sakura.

If I go that route, Sakura will NOT like them. She plays dirty and underhanded in this fic, but she's doing so to try to remove Natsuko from the equation. These other OC's I'm thinking of will be playing dirty and underhanded purely out of spite and anger.

But never fear, for the **Hiraishin** kunai is here!

Any other questions, feel free to ask. Any thoughts on what I have hinted at regarding the future, feel free to give.


	4. Special Omake Event

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is owned by Kishimoto Masashi and published by Jump Comics.

**Warning:** This fic is rated T for violence, language and innuendo.

_**AN: THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL CHAPTER. PLEASE READ THE CHAPTER TITLE IF YOU ARE CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT THIS IS.**_

_**Should this fic be M rated? YOU DECIDE!**_

XXXXX

**The Last of the Namikaze**

**Special Omake Event: The Results of Naruto's Pranking**

XXXXX

**HOKAGE MONUMENT:**

The Sandaime sighed as he looked up at the Hokage Monument. His face had been vadalized. Not anything too bad, just a blindfold over his eyes had been painted on. A blindfold; the symbolism was clear.

And he knew exactly who did it. How? Maybe it was the fact that "Uzumaki Naruto wuz here" was painted on his cheeks.

Uzumaki… now that was a name he had not heard in a long time. Then again, it was not entirely surprising that Naruto would change back to his mother's last name in order to distinguish himself separately from his sister. But this begged the question, knowing what he knew about Naruto, was she in contact with him? He was not entirely sure he minded, but the last thing he wanted was for her loyalty to Konoha to be severed or her innocence denied. Worse than Naruto doing anything to her was the possibility that the council could find out.

Now he just had to figure out why he was portrayed as blind. Did she not have a desirable life?

He sighed. He would have to figure this out, but first would come the paperwork.

XXXXX

MortalOne: Symbolic… nice. Sadly he doesn't get it.

Naruto: Blind old man…

MortalOne: Be nice, he has a whole village to look after. How much time can he dedicate to one youth?

Naruto: She's MY SISTER.

MortalOne: Okay, okay, I get it.

XXXXX

**UCHIHA SASUKE:**

Uchiha Sasuke awoke to find himself completely naked. His sheets were gone. Evidently, someone was playing tricks on him, probably that Inuzuka Kiba, though he secretly hoped it was Natsuko so that she could be impressed by his package, even if it was not at all that big.

But size was inconsequential, right?

He jumped out of bed and checked himself out in the mirror, smirking at his pretty-boy body. He was happy, how could he not be? He even had more fan-girls than Itachi did. Could this be proof that he was closing in on his older brother, that he was closer to revenge?

He made his way to the bathroom, ready for his morning shower, but quickly he realized that he had no towel. Finding this odd, he retreated to his bedroom and opened the closet. His normal clothes were gone, replaced by a small selection of his dead mother's wardrobe.

He shrugged.

Scanning the closet, he settled on a pink dress and pulled it out, tossing it on the bed. Moving to his dresser, he found his underwear replaced by his mother's as well. He settled for a black g-string thong.

Those fan-girls that decided to stalk him as he went through his morning routine cried rivers of tears that their idle was homosexual.

'_Pssh,'_ he thought, _'can't they tell I'm bi? Just because I prefer men doesn't mean I don't like women.'_

XXXXX

MortalOne: Damn that was disturbing. Naruto?! Naruto?! STOP LAUGHING AND SHOW ME SOMETHING ELSE!

XXXXX

**TOUJI MIZUKI:**

Mizuki awoke with a happy smile on his face. He had just banged two different women yesterday, so how could he not be happy?

He rubbed his eyes, stimulating the nerves in that area to help wake more quickly. Right as he pulled his hands away from his eyes he looked into the mirror and shrieked.

Pink? Yes, his hair was pink.

"Who did this? Damn if it was one of my student's, I'LL KILL THEM."

"It was me," an angry voice called from the door. There in the doorway was his fiancé. She looked like she had been crying for three days straight as she clutched a letter in her hand. "How could you? How could you cheat on me you bastard? OUT! GET OUT!"

The last thing Mizuki saw was a shoe heading straight for his forehead.

XXXXX

MortalOne: Wow, payback's a bitch, isn't it?

Naruto: That bastard deserved it!

MortalOne: Can't say I don't agree…

Naruto: So then what's the problem?

MortalOne: …No problem. Can we queue the next one?

XXXXX

**MITOKADO HOMURA AND UTATANE KOHARU:**

It had been such a long time since they had been entangled, naked in each other's arms. The last thing either of them remembered was sipping a glass of wine, then darkness.

A sound of footsteps could be heard coming down a hall, idle chatter and laughter following with it. "Ah, wish I could get real missions," one said.

"Yeah, yeah, guarding the council chambers is so boring. Never see any action," the other replied.

Homura and Koharu groaned, still not entirely aware of their surroundings. The doors opened. Everything fell silent. The first one stood at attention. "Homura-sama, Koharu-sama!"

The other looked at the first guard, and then turned away. "This isn't the kind of action I was talking about."

Homura quickly slid off the council table. "You young brat, I'll have you demoted for this!"

The young guard looked defiantly at the older man. He knew he would get reamed for his remark, but demotion was absurd consider who was clearly in the wrong. "I'm reporting this to the Hokage."

Koharu, however, still in her barely conscious state groaned out, "Come back to bed…"

The guard turned and left, even his partner looking disgusted despite the brown-nosing. "That's just wrong."

Naruto chuckled so despite how disturbingly gross it was, he stuck around to watch the show. This prank had been the hardest to orchestrate. He had to bring special pills made by Zetsu and Tobi, who had a surprising affinity for pranks, using various plant toxins. Essentially, it was an undetectable date rape drug that would knock out the person who swallowed it.

And the best part is that it would fizzle into a drink without leaving a trace.

He had to break into an upscale restaurant in the middle of downtown Konoha and put this drug in the wine glasses of two of the most well known shinobi in the history of Konoha and then carry them out and deposit them in the halls of the council chambers. If Homura and Koharu had actually kept up their service past the age of forty, as their teammate the Sandaime did, rather than getting involved in politics, then this prank would have been impossible.

But Naruto's chuckle was not heard. Instead, a large body of people could be heard, filing in from the hallway. Everyone froze, Homura and Koharu's naked bodies on display to the entire Advisory Panel for the Well-Being of Konoha, better known as "the council."

Naruto slipped away unseen as all hell broke loose.

XXXXX

MortalOne: Old people sex… Nasty.

Naruto: Unless they did it in their sleep, there wasn't any sex. But believe me, it was no fun at all stripping them naked, dattebayo. Shudders

MortalOne: Yeah, I'll say…

XXXXX

**INUZUKA KIBA:**

Inuzuka Kiba smelled different when he woke up. He smelled like a dog. Now this was not too different than usual, but usually he smelled of the dog's his clan was famous for. Now he smelled like he _was_ a dog.

Now, he did not mind this totally, but he felt an odd chill run over his body. He felt like he was sleeping in a field naked and he had kicked off his sleeping bag. Oh yes, he knew that feeling – he had done that once before and come down with a nasty head cold.

But to smell like a dog and be sleeping outside? This was new.

He snapped open an eye. There were people around, and they were staring at him with horrified gazes. Feeling like he woke up naked in a field and smelling like a dog and having people looking at him… this was not good.

A white hair dropped in front of his eye. Come to think of it, he _did_ feel itchy. A hand reached down and scratched his chest. Hair came off onto his hand.

Hair? He did not have any chest hair yet.

He brought his hand to his face. White hairs? His hair color was not white either. He looked down at his body… his _naked_ body… covered in white hair. Or to be more precise, covered in white _fur_.

He heard a whimper and looked over. A hairless Akamaru was wearing _his_ jacket. Oh, this was really not good.

He was fully alert now and suddenly he realized where he was: the central marketplace.

A girl tugged on the hem of her mother's dress. "Mommy, I can see his dingy."

The mother said nothing, too caught in shock to say or do anything, too caught in shock to cover the eyes of her precious little princess of a daughter.

One Mitarashi Anko laughed, half-eaten dango bits flying from her mouth. "Yeah, and what a tiny little baby dingy it is too!"

Kiba felt very embarrassed, more so as his soldier decided to give Anko a salute.

XXXXX

MortalOne: AHAHAHAHA! KIBA DESERVES IT! AHAHAHAHAHA

Naruto: AHAHAHA! THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!

MortalOne: I'll bet it was. Oh man… just wow. Anyway, Naruto… I have something to broach with you. Well, how do I put this… many people want to see you paired with your sister.

Naruto: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

MortalOne: Uhm, yeah, well, in their defense you are the main hero and she is very likable, not to mention a budding beauty. If only she were a bit older…

Naruto: Aren't you like 21?

MortalOne: Ahh, gulp y-yes…

/Naruto releases his full killing intent

/MortalOne runs away crying for his mother

Natsuko: Naruto!! Now look what you did!

Naruto: But he was talking about you!

Natsuko: He's the author, now he might never finish this story!

Naruto: Fine, fine, I won't kill him, but at least I'll prank him…

Natsuko: No.

Naruto: What?

Natsuko: No. Besides, I really do have a thing for you…

Naruto: …

Natsuko: Come here Naruto-koi!!!!

/Naruto runs away screaming

/Natsuko makes a victory sign

/MortalOne pops his head up

MortalOne: Is it safe?

Natsuko: I took care of it.

MortalOne: Really? How?

Natsuko: I acted like I wanted him…

/Naruto pops his head up

Naruto: You don't? Thank god. I was so scared for a minute. Here I was thinking you'd lay yourself out for me and I was like, "Dear god, she's my sister and she's going to latch onto me like one of the Uchiha's fan-girls or something."

/Natsuko stomps off angrily shrieking "BAKA, BAKA, BAKA"

MortalOne: Well… anyway, I think everyone gets it now. The twins do not have those kinds of feelings for each other. That's just wrong.

Naruto: Yeah, MortalOne's more sensible than that.

MortalOne: Well, I won't claim to be beyond writing offensive material, but incest is among the most highly offensive content out there. Writing that into a fic automatically qualifies it as a dark work and it's _**NOT NORMAL**_ and should not be depicted as such, especially not in anything that might be read by _**ANYONE**_ under the age of 18.

Naruto: …You mean you'd write it at all?

MortalOne: …Not in a flattering way. I just don't think I could bring myself to do something that despicable. However, it is an important point in authoring that most people on this site forget that you have to be true to the characters in a story, **NOT** to yourself. My characters often act outside the bounds of my own morality, hence why I make you, Naruto, tiptoe down the line between good and evil in so many places in my fiction writing.

MortalOne: That said, ethical reasons aside, there's an important point about incest to bring up: the biological reasons of why it is unjustifiable. Consider the case for the single allele trait **sickle cell anemia**. We denote the normal allele as "S" and the sickle cell anemia allele as "s," where S is the dominant trait. People who have Ss actually have higher resistance to malaria, so that trait is actually favorable in parts of the world where malaria is prevalent (fact: "colored" people – not just African Americans, but people who have darker skin tones in general – tend to come from families from these parts of the world where malaria is prevalent, thus the s allele, and thus the sickle cell anemia trait itself, are actually more prevalent – this is the biological reason why that trait has not died off despite the fact that those unlucky enough to have the ss allele combination are guaranteed a short life!). Imagine that Naruto, a twin of Natsuko's, has the Ss trait. This means that Natsuko, a fraternal twin, has a 50 percent chance of being Ss as well. Now if Naruto and Natsuko mated, then assuming they are both Ss, there is a 25 percent chance of their offspring being Ss. Since there is a 50 percent chance of Natsuko being Ss, this means that given all outcomes, there is a 12.5 percent chance that they will produce an offspring with sickle cell anemia. Meanwhile, the world wide average is less than 1 percent, unless I am mistaken. This is just one of the many things that can go wrong.

Naruto: …

MortalOne: Uhh…. Yeah. Anyway, sometimes you will find manga or movies or books that mention incest. Almost always, it's very unflattering. Biologically, we are pre-programmed to dislike incest to avoid such biological problems as I mentioned. If Naruto with the Ss trait married into the general public, it would be much less likely that he would produce an offspring with sickle cell anemia because it would be much less likely that his partner would have that trait. This is the reason why genetic diversity is good: dilute bad genes.

Naruto: …

MortalOne: What?

Naruto: You clearly don't have a sister. Maybe what you said is true, but nobody gives a shit about that. The only thing people care about is that it's GROSS!!!!

MortalOne: And I agree, but as I said, it's important to be honest about how the CHARACTER would act, not how I would act in their place. This is one of the key points that separate good authors from bad ones. I'm sure there are authors who secretly get off by having their characters do offensive things like rape, prostitution, incest, cannibalism, etc, but other authors do so because their characters are like that and they are being honest in their portrayals. You will find mentions of these things in series such as **The X-Files** or **Bones**, but notice that authors still insert their own opinions by having main characters feel revolted. Maybe in Bones the anthropologists can stomach it, but agent Booth? He looks like he's about to vomit. Why? Because he's a normal person and the author is using him to portray the wrongness of the action because it's in his character to respond that way.

Naruto: You're a real nerd, you know that?

MortalOne: Shut up or I'll delete you.

Naruto: Oooo, I'm scared, then you'll lose all your fans, idiot.

MortalOne: …Fuck you too. Anyway, anyone interested in writing additional Omake's can send me a PM. You can write about any character not mentioned that deserves to be pranked and you MAY WRITE ABOUT OC'S GETTING PRANKED. Yes, OC fan-girls of Sasuke, OC councilmen, etc. Fan-girls may be of any age, including adults. If you decide to write one, please give me character specks. I will only post ones I like and ones that are tolerable. If it's not funny or if you go over the top, I won't post it, so don't expect me to accept just anything.

MortalOne: NOTICEABLY ABSENT ARE SAKURA AND INO. I'VE LEFT THEM FOR REVIEWER PUNISHMENT. PEACE OUTSIDE!


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